What do you have two of – then one of? Not a riddle, so you have two ears and one mouth. I have a friend who has said this to me tons of times in the course of conversations. You have two ears and one mouth so you need to listen twice as much as you talk.
James 1:19 NLT Listening and Doing 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Slow to speak, meaning think about what you are going to say before you say it. Today – in this time – it is a no filter zone. People just say whatever they feel like. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen one person or more go off on another person for saying something. I’ve seen arguments and heated discussions over people just wanting to “air” an opinion.
I am 1000% a fan of speaking the truth in love. Is it loving – though – if you say something to someone that ultimately hurts them and causes damage? Oh yes I know sometimes that IS telling the truth in love and I agree. I suppose what I am saying is that there is such a fine line these days for truth in love and honesty that is harmful. Makes me think about – “if it feels good do it, if it is my truth – I’ll say it”.
Moral Relativism is something I have read about and thought about for a very long time. In basic terms it tells us – if it feels good: do it. The line of what is ok and not ok has been blurred out by this thought process. Whatever a person wants is ok. There are two types of practical moral relativism: individual and cultural. Individual moral relativism is the idea that values vary from person to person and each person has their own valid set of morals. There is no concept of correct moral principles; everything is based on what an individual desires.
So this means every person decides what is best based on what they want. It seems there is no more set of ethics or rules – no guiding principles. I mean we have laws and documents for governing our lives. When did they become obsolete? When did chaos become king?
Slow to get angry. Anger is just plain ugly. Oh I know righteous anger is good, anger in general is not though. It can consume you if you let it in. There is scientific evidence that anger is detrimental to your body. Same as stress. If you hold on to that anger – then oh boy is that doing a number on you and me – if we harbor it.
Years ago I attended an anger management class. I was a young mother, a single one at that so I questioned and doubted just about everything I did as a parent. I worried that I would do more damage than good as a parent. Little did I know but I was not messing up horribly. I took classes to find the best me as a parent I could be. They were workshop classes and free offered by the school district so I went to them. I wanted to know the best ways to manage things. One of these classes was anger management. I took my daughter with me. So upstairs in this house were the kids, they were in a room with a group leader, they all took turns wielding a nerf bat and for 2 minutes solid they were told to beat the stuffing out of an army duffle bag filled with pillows and blankets. No harm here. Just beat it up and get all that aggression out. So downstairs we parents were in a circle talking. As we went around the room parents described their children that kicked holes in the walls, punched them and others, tore their own hair out, screamed in anger and were just really off the hook in anger. When they got to me I immediately felt self-conscious about being there. I was honest in my little intro – I said, my daughter really does not have anger issues per se, I am taking this workshop to become a better parent. I want to help any anger issues that come up.
The instructor then began to draw a person on the board it was an outline of a person and in the area of the “guts” she drew what looked like a bucket. She asked us these questions: If you child throws a fit in school what happens – they get in trouble. Next question: if your child throws a fit in public what happens – they get in trouble. Last question: if your child throws a fit at home what happens – they get in trouble. So where is it safe to throw a fit, because in reality that fit is a spill. Let me explain. Go back to that person and that bucket… the kid can’t get angry in public so if they are they stuff that anger in the bucket, then they get angry at school – again stuff it in the bucket. A home anger and yet again stuffing it in the bucket. At some point that bucket is going to get full and overflow. Spill out and that is throwing a fit. After all that stuffing it has to go somewhere right? So the answer is to give your child a way to “vent” anger.
The rules for this anger work are – you cannot hurt yourself, you cannot hurt anyone else and you cannot hurt anything. She suggested journaling, yelling, punching a pillow, turning music up loud and singing. Whatever the anger work is the children need to do it and have a safe outlet for it. Sounds good huh? I think so too and I think not just kids need this – everyone does. So there – anger work for the day. This workshop was of great value to me as a person, as a Mom, as a single Mom. I’m thankful for this class.
Zooming forward, a few years later I found faith and along with the lessons from these workshops and God it became easier to deal with life’s little hiccups. Not to say I don’t have days when I need reminders because I certainly do.
Dear Heavenly Father – Thank You for the lessons, thank You for these workshops and the timing when they were going. Thank You for being with me even when I didn’t know You were. Please bless my family, my friends and my readers today. In Jesus Name I pray - AMEN