Was trying to think of a good name for this one. I came up with several but none sounded right for this one. So No Name it is...
So you have a grown daughter, I’m referring to myself here – I have a grown daughter. You (I) don’t need to give her advice unless of course she asks for it. As a Mom though I challenge anyone who says they can hold themselves back 100% of the time when something is happening that your daughter is going through that makes you sad or angry or disappointed… how do you shut down the feelings of wanting to fix it? How do you get by without wanting to tell her everything you’re thinking about the situation.
When she was a kid, there were things I tried to tell her of course. There were also things I knew I had to let her find out on her own. I had to let her bump her butt on the road of life a bit so she would learn the lessons. The hard part is being a Mom who wants the best for my kid and I didn’t want her to have any issues. None – but how realistic is that. Life happens, all we can do is train them up in the ways of the Lord and believe in what the Bible says – that they won’t depart from it. If they do (free will) then God willing they come back to it.
Now that she is an adult her life is much more complicated. She is a Wife, a Mom and an employee. Her job can be tough sometimes because right or wrong – she is young and a female who works with some “good ole boys” who think she has not paid her dues. She also has two young children who she is preparing to walk down that road of life. She has to figure out what and how and when to tell them all the things they need to know. All of the sudden your whole perspective changes about how, why, when and such.
Colossians 3:13 NIV Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
The question is this, how do they, how do I, how do we have the right to say who’s pain is greater, who has been down the road of life and who has not. Who has paid the price and who hasn’t. The scripture is telling us to give grace. To remember that the person who might be saying something wrong to you, giving you a hard time or just not being on your side – still needs grace.
The issue or thing can be severe and would normally warrant non-forgiveness in some cases, I mean someone says or does something hurtful – you have a knee jerk reaction to harbor some unforgiveness towards them – heck no I will not give grace. The lesson in all this IS grace and forgiveness, Not “if” to give it but when. Grace is unmerited (unearned) favor of God – we didn’t earn it, we didn’t pay for it, we don’t deserve it. We just have it. We should extend it to others as well. Forgiving mistakes and shortcomings. When you look at the Lords Prayer in the Bible it tells you clearly.
This is found in Matthew 6:9-13 the KJV Version is wonderful - Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.
The part I am referring to is Forgive us our debts (trespasses or Sins) as we forgive our debtors (trespasses or sins) so God forgives us and we need to forgive others in order to receive God’s forgiveness. God cannot look upon sin so you need to make sure you forgive when you should. Ah the great debate as to when you do or don’t forgive.
I think this bears repeating, I hope I can explain what it was and how I felt well enough that it resonates with you readers because when I “understood this” it blew my doors off. Pastor did a series on Forgiveness. It was many parts long and each were very informative but the one thing he said that really cemented my understanding is this.
Someone has wronged you – so you are unforgiving of them – those are the facts of the situation. Those being true here is the story. Now that you are unforgiving if you imaging yourself with a leash, a very strong leash and the end of that leash is connected to you – you cannot unlock it or break it, it is connected to you.. it is this way because you believe you are justified in holding on and not forgiving.
On the other end of the leash you have is a loop and that loop is connected to a very large and heavy park bench. Might as well be bolted down because it’s not going anywhere.. why you ask – because the person who wronged you is sitting on your park bench.
Because you refuse to forgive them – they are on your bench causing you to not be able to move, making that park bench heavy and cumbersome, un-waivering. YOUR unforgiveness is giving that person power over you because you refuse to forgive them.
Now you may be saying – they don’t deserve it. You could be correct, but let’s ask this… have you sinned in your lifetime? Have you ever lied? Have you ever cheated at something? Have you ever taken something that was not yours- stealing? Have you ever looked at another person with lustful feelings? Well all those are sins and I told you God can’t look on sin so how is it that you are a child of God? How can God look at you? Because Jesus did the work, He was the sacrifice – Your sins were forgiven… oh there’s that word. Forgiven.
You don’t have to tell your squatter (on the bench) that you forgive them, but you need to do the word and be sure you tell God that you forgive. The minute you forgive that bench is GONE, leash is GONE and you are FREE.
Let’s Pray
Heavenly Father – I know there was a time when I didn’t understand forgiveness. There were times when I flat said I would NOT forgive someone who wronged me because of the severity of the offense but in the end that is Your job to judge them, not mine. I leave those results up to You. I thank You for Your forgiveness and for sending Your Son for my sins. It is in Jesus name we pray - AMEN