Oh the Pain

(DISCLAIMER: Normally I ask permission to use names and photos - today I am publishing and asking for forgiveness if anyone has issue with the photos I am using)

Last evening I was blessed to hear one of the best sermons by far I’ve heard to date. That’s saying something because I’ve heard many sermons since finding my faith years ago. The speaker was Rick Warren and his topic was (summarized) Using Pain for Gain.

One of the statements he made that just stopped me dead in my tracks was about how God’s directive is to make us more like Jesus, how? Well certainly not by giving us a sermon, sunshine and flowers, jumping from cloud to cloud… but instead by allowing us to go through the things Jesus did. Tempting, testing, suffering, pain. Now I admit, I had not really thought about it that way but it certainly makes sense. I remembered as he was speaking about something I read in the Purpose Driven Life… God would never put you in a room full of patient people if He wanted you to learn patience. Well DUH.

So the key is that we use our pains, our life with them to witness to others. We don’t just have ONE testimony but lots of them, each pain in our lives is a testimony. He made so many great points about who better to talk to the child of an alcoholic then another child of an alcoholic. He spoke about his son who in life had issues and eventually committed suicide. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I admit when my daughter was small (and I had not found faith) this was my greatest fear, to the point I had dreams about something happening to her. It scared me pretty good.

So back to the topic – I need to use my pain to witness to others. Well which one? I have several. I am supposed to be transparent and open about it. I concede to you all that some things I feel like should be private but hearing what Pastor Warren said last night has made me loosen up on that some.

Set the stage - tone

Job 1:1-3 1 There once was a man named Job who lived in the land of Uz. He was blameless—a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil. 2 He had seven sons and three daughters. 3 He owned 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 teams of oxen, and 500 female donkeys. He also had many servants. He was, in fact, the richest person in that entire area.

Then what happened to cause his pain

Job 1:13-19 13 One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting at the oldest brother’s house, 14 a messenger arrived at Job’s home with this news: “Your oxen were plowing, with the donkeys feeding beside them, 15 when the Sabeans raided us. They stole all the animals and killed all the farmhands. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.” 16 While he was still speaking, another messenger arrived with this news: “The fire of God has fallen from heaven and burned up your sheep and all the shepherds. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.” 17 While he was still speaking, a third messenger arrived with this news: “Three bands of Chaldean raiders have stolen your camels and killed your servants. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.” 18 While he was still speaking, another messenger arrived with this news: “Your sons and daughters were feasting in their oldest brother’s home. 19 Suddenly, a powerful wind swept in from the wilderness and hit the house on all sides. The house collapsed, and all your children are dead. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.”

So now you see Job’s pain. He was the richest but lost it all. Can you imagine? Loss of all you own and then your family, not one but all your children.

Job 1: 22 22 In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God

Think about it, could you NOT blame God, or be mad at Him after all this?

Another really good thing Pastor Warren said last night was – what to say to someone in pain…he said “Just show up and shut up”, nothing need be said. Hold their hand, hug them or just sit with them. It may not be a time they need to hear you…instead they just need you to BE THERE

Job 2:11-13 Job’s Three Friends Share His Anguish 11 When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. 12 When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

(Photo above was taken in February we were celebrating Moms and Pop's birthdays, we knew she was on borrowed time at this point but it did not matter - we were making memories and sharing LOVE and laughs. The end people are my daughter and my son-in-love - don't you just love the shear joy they are showing. it was a funny that got them all. I LOVE this photo)

After our Mom passed, Note that we knew it was coming, we had 7 months to prepare. As if you could ever in a million years be prepared for your Mom to die. I admit, this was one of the most hurtful and traumatic events of my life – so far. It was also a place where God showed up so many times but I’ll save those for later. So after Mom passed away I was worried about my siblings, I was worried about my Pop. I wanted to be there for them and help them in any way I could. I wanted to put the God spin on the situation if at all possible.

I had a tough previous day, I was trying to put together a slide show with music and it just was not cooperating. I’d get almost to the end and bam – will not save – I kept at it for hours because I wanted it to be wonderful and perfect for her service. I finally gave up and was desperately crying inside because I failed. The next day I was wondering around the house not really doing anything (numb) and wondered in to the spare bedroom. My oldest sister was in there on the bed, she was playing a video game on her phone, knees propped up and leaned back on the pillows just playing the game. As I walked in the room I could clearly see she was crying, not outward sobbing but the tear stained cheeks were very evident. The tears were rolling down one after another… It made me stop and think… oh gee, what do I say? What do I do? At that moment it was time for me to just be there, I didn’t know what to say, I felt like there was nothing I could say to help her, but her pain was so tangible and I felt it too, it was like a thick fog enveloping us and threatening to suffocate us. She knew I was suffering too. We were and still are Momma’s girls, all of us are Momma’s girls. Even my daughter says “I love me some Nana”.

(above photo is blurry and cut off but it's so special - a girl and her Nana!)

Mom is just that special and cherished. She is missed. When Pastor said, just show up and shut up it reminded me of this day and just sitting there with my sister, not talking but being together. Mom would have wanted it this way…us being together.

Our family is what is called nuclear, meaning mixed. He had 2 children from his previous marriage, she had three children from her previous marriage and together they had one more so we have a mixture of yours, mine and ours. I tell you though, if we were all in a room together you’d never know who was step, half or whole. It’s not that way with our family. We are all brothers, sisters and children. After Mom’s funeral we had an opportunity to be together, my brothers, my sisters and pop, the kids might have been there too. We were on the back porch of Mom & Pop’s house… my youngest sister spoke up and said, “Nothing changes (pause) Nothing Changes” we all knew what this meant. See now that my Mom passed, I am not related by marriage to my Pop or his first marriage children. The thing is – I dare anyone to say we are not family. They are and always will be as much my family as those whose blood I share.

(above photo is the SIX of us)

We are US. In the pain of loss, in the agony of Mom being gone we found ourselves doing what we knew she wanted, staying a unit, staying her family. We didn’t do it just for her – although I know she’s proud. We did it because it is who we are. Family.

Mom was sick – she had Cancer = pain for her and us

Mom was given a short time to live = pain for her and us

God showed up and gave her more time than we’d been told = WIN

God showed up in the details of the remainder of her life, giving her almost 100% good days and allowed us as a family to make Memories. We had time to just love. = WIN/WIN

Oh the Pain AND oh the blessings.

Lord Lord, I am beyond grateful for the blessings we shared during this time, I am grateful that my pain can hopefully bless someone else. Lord thank You for the ability to find the good in situations like this. I pray others can benefit from this and go forward with blessings from the pain. In Jesus Name - Amen