Inexpressible

Incapable of being uttered or described in words. That is the meaning of inexpressible. How many things in this lifetime can you use that word to describe. Finding faith, for sure that is one. Below in the scripture Joseph had told Pharaoh the meaning of his dream would be that there would be seven years of abundance, more than plenty and then followed by seven years of none, so he better store up in the good years to have food during famine. Wise man put Joseph in charge of storing up and so he did, to the point where he could not measure any longer. It was all too much.

Genesis 41: 49 Joseph stored up huge quantities of grain, like the sand of the sea; it was so much that he stopped keeping records because it was beyond measure.

There are so few things in this lifetime that can be termed inexpressible. Personally, I am someone who typically never lacks the words to describe something. I am generally not at a loss for words. When I woke up in the hospital and I was alone, I looked over to see the greatest thing these eyes had ever witnessed, something that took my breath away. I literally had to force myself to breath in and breath out because I was stunned at my reaction. I saw my little bundled up baby, her eyes closed in sleep, she was fed and full, just sleeping and waiting for me to wake up and hold her. In that moment I remember thinking how perfect she is and how my heart felt like it was about to burst wide open from the waves of love and devotion I felt in that moment. I wanted to give her the moon and lasso the stars just for her. I wanted to make her safe and always keep her warm, full and fed. I wanted to all of the sudden do and give and stop so many things for her. Her life was in my hands and at this moment the only thing I could think of was oh my gosh I love this little person more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. How is this feeling possible – it feels inexpressible like I could not describe it even if I tried. The closest I could come is limitless, without limits, there was nothing I would not do for her. Its funny how memories can fade but the ones that have core deep meaning, those seem to stay and linger.

Because she was the only child I had I never thought I’d feel this way again until last night, I was looking at a photo my daughter texted me of my Granddaughter. She was swinging in her new playset in the backyard. There is a smile on her face of sheer joy, she is without a care in the world, she doesn’t know about any virus, west nile, or any other issues going on in our world, she doesn’t know about high unemployment. She knows joy and fun and happy. Her face shows how happy she is and the feeling seeing this unbridled joy makes me so happy that once again I can’t put a number on just how happy, this little girl has that same magic for me, that smile just melts away a tough day at work.

I felt totally and completely blessed to have felt this once, I never imagined it again, I am so grateful though for this feeling again. Something so utterly fantastic that it’s really hard to describe with words. I am blessed that both of these things that make me feel this way are close and accessible. I can go see them, or talk to them. At some point I would like to stand just there and watch her swing and giggle. I want to hear her ask… “Side, Momma, Side” … means let’s go outside Mom.

In this time of unrest and unknown we need to cling to things we know keep us happy, help our hearts and our minds. Don’t give up doing all you can to stay happy and healthy.

Dear Heavenly Father, Just this simply – Thank You God for providing things in my life – in our lives that are so wonderful they can’t be described. Thank You. AMEN